After a discussion with my ever-wise wife, I realize that my last post concerning the Gravity Kills show is a tad...abrasive. Or rather, it has the high potential of being so.

It is of my opinion that Gravity Kills puts on a far better show than any other band you could name.

Now, as I mentioned before, there are those who would refute that claim. To these people I say this:

It's not that I'm saying your band(s) "suck" - in truth, I've been to many other concerts by many other bands and each of them was a pretty rockin' good time! NIN and Fear Factory among them, in fact. However, of all the shows I've been to, none of them have had the same drive, intensity, and all-out passion that Gravity Kills comes with when they hit the stage. If you don't agree with this, that's cool - but that does mean that you don't really "know" Gravity Kills.

I post this alteration to the original comments because I don't really seek to purposely offend anyone.

Oh yeah, btw - Happy Halloween everyone!

Take a moment to search your mind.

Pick out the absolute best concert or show you've ever been to. If you can't pick just one, pick all the top concerts you've been to.

Then, shove them all up your ass; because Gravity Kills makes your favorite show(s) look like an out-of-tune and mediocre high school marching band. And yes, I am serious.

There are some that would either refute this claim, or wave it off because they think/"know" they know better. These people have no idea what a good concert is.

I've been to countless concerts and shows, and while they've all been awesome in their own right, NONE of them even comes close to the intensity and drive that I've seen from Gravity Kills when they hit the stage. Stabbing Westward, KMFDM, Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, Fear Factory - and any other band you could possibly name - are pretty much nothing in comparison.

There's a deal in the works where Gravity Kills might just make this show an annual deal - which means every year, the music industry itself will again have a pinnacle to make up for all of the other lower concerts and bands.

Several Topics & Addressings

1. Happy Birthday, Nix!!!

2. Just when I thought there could be no higher level of hypocrisy...I find a new one, all bright and shiny.

3. Work is going GREAT; I'm in the thick of two of KWI's biggest projects, and loving every second of it (even if the workload is busy).

4. Less than two days until Gravity Kills returns to the stage and graces the Earth once more with THE greatest music to EVER come out of St. Louis. Period.

5. Things still suck on the politics-related front; our casualties in Iraq are now past the 2,000 mark, and things are NOT getting any better despite our nation's "best" efforts to finish things there. Our President, Mr. Oh-So-Wise-And-Moral, is appointing blatant Bush-family flunkies to the highest positions of prestige, as well as continuing his usual atrocities against health-care, worker's rights, economic prosperity, and education. You guys already knew all this - or you should, if you have any kind of sense of the world around you - but it need to be said.

6. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. (Still waiting for the 'legend' to come true...*yawns*)

7. "COMPLAIN!! \m/" is now a universal term as far as I'm concerned. True, it started with Hizzy; but when I type it, it now applies to others as well. When you see it referenced in my blog, it might be Hizzy I'm talking about - but it also equally might not be Hizzy at all. (I'm typing this because apparently I need to cover my ass. This is the only time I'm going to say it however, so read it well while you can.)

8. I have yet to sit down again with Beaver to work on his job search. I'm not even sure if he wants/needs my help again. If he doesn't, more power to him. If he does, I'm available to him as he needs me. @Beaver: Call me, lemme know.

9. Visit the Mega-Forum. Click the title of this blog to go there, or click on the link in the drop-down menu to your right. Do it.

10. Very soon, Heather and I will be hosting a movie night, with horror films being the genre of choice. We're talking Friday the 13th, Halloween, Night Of The Living Dead, Nightmare on Elm St....the works. Stay tuned for details.


Quilled Tunes: "One Thing (Demo Version)" - Gravity Kills

...well, if that's the way you feel...

Andrea, this blog is specifically directed at you.

I know that the whole "complain" inside joke started with you. However, it extends to everyone in our group who complains about anything, including myself.

Unless I specifically name a person as the subject of my joke, it's to be assumed that I'm speaking in a general manner; meaning everyone, not just you.

It could be said that there's a certain paranoia...maybe even some egotism...in assuming that you are always the subject of my blog, or that you are always being singled out for not being told anything. I'm not GOING to say it's either one; I'll leave those details up to the public at large. I will say that you need to chill out. You seem to think there's this big thing where you aren't told about stuff that's going on in a purposeful manner, while everyone else is "in" on the information. That's not true.

It's certainly true that there are situations where not everyone is involved, and not everyone has business in knowing specifics. When those situations arise, I personally tend to act accordingly. I have kept information that you've shared with me confidential in the past, and therefore I do the same for other people as well.

That cryptic blog that I posted? Yeah, I didn't inform any living soul of what I was referring to. I've explained why to you already, but just so that you and everyone else knows:

@Everyone: There's a reason I didn't name names or explain what I was talking about. It was my way of venting without becoming part of the rumor chain. It's really that simple.

Stop jumping on me every time you "don't know" something, please. I understand that you are curious about almost everything that goes on, but there's no need to accuse me of being an asshole because of that.


Quilled Tunes: "You're So Vain" - Carly Simon

...some cheese to go with your wine (whine)...

There's a perfectly good inside joke that's associated with the title/content of this blog and general 'group' events. Let's just say there's lots of complaining going on lately...

Life insurance, health insurance, and all that other stuff is set up the way it is for this reason and this reason only:

If you can have the patience to fill all that out, and actually manage to understand it...congratulations, you just earned life/health insurance.


But seriously, folks...wow, this'll be my third post for today.

Right now I sit on my computer, blogging and surfing, and my lovely wife sits at her computer, talking to me and doing much the same. If you had told me this was gonna be my life back in high school, I wouldn't have believed it.

It's been a strange ride since then. Barely passing high school - well, that's a lie. I did okay; could've done a lot better, just didn't try. Junior college (Meramec) - got a bit more serious, but not as serious as I should've been. Gotta say, I didn't really start getting serious-minded about my "future" until I started dating Heather.

Something about her changed who I wanted to be. Before that, my primary concern was just hanging out. I guess her presence jump-started me. Made me want more for me. Made me actually believe in trying for something higher. And that belief continued in my working out; in my job search; in everything. It's still happening today.

It's hard to believe that another person could have that kind of an effect on you, until it happens. I've told her all this before - told other people, too - but I dunno if she knows just how important she is to me.

Without her, I probably wouldn't be the "grown-up" that I am today. I wouldn't have made it through the struggle I dealt with trying to find a "real" job on zero experience and just my degree. I love her so very much. I want to put it another way; say it in a manner that would come off much more powerful and important than just "I love her so very much" - but I just can't find the words. (And those who really know me for real know that being at a loss for words is NOT my M.O. at all.)

Heather, at the risk of sounding incredible cliche and completely romantical (as my friend Tom phrases it) - thank you. I love you, and thank you. You really are my best friend, my soul-mate. I could not have done any of this without you, and that's the truth. You complete me. (Okay, that was pushing it. Sorry.)

Just know that you are the most wonderful person in my life.


Quilled Tunes: "Me And You" - Kenny Chesney

...and the lighter post...

This has been a very mellow weekend.

Friday, Heather and I did basically nothing. We were both very tired and just lounged around. Saturday was Karen's birthday (Heather's co-worker) - we went to Hessler's Pub for drinks and then to M.P. O'Reilly's for dancing and, uh, more drinks. Usually, I'm cool with going to a club-type venue, but I wasn't really feeling it this time...but it's all good. Today, we lunched with Scuba, toured one of the homes he's working on for E&M, and then did the usual stuff of shopping and laundry.

Part of the low-keyness of the weekend might just be this change-over into autumn season...the days getting darker sooner, the weather changing to coldness, etc. All that tends to have effects, ranging from slight to large, on mood and such.

Soon, there will be a gathering to officially celebrate my new job. There will be drinking, music, food, and lots and lots of fun.

Gravity Kills "Killoween" Show is Friday night. I need to pin down just who is going, and where we're meeting to go to the show. A lot of my fellow "Whores" will be in attendance, so I've got to take into account any possibilities of after-parties and whatnot, too. No matter what, the main event is the most important: the show itself, probably the last show too.

I'm not sure what the plans are for Halloween yet. I've heard whisperings of parties in the works, but haven't heard anything concrete or set in stone. (Being that Halloween falls on a Monday this year, I'm not surprised there isn't a lot of clamouring about it. It's very hard for most people to party on a Monday.)

...the dark post...

This is how it happens.

Everything has a balance. So, of course, since good stuff happened this week, something like this was bound to take place. Just the same old song and dance of high school drama bullshit, only this time it's so unbelievable that even I don't wanna pick it apart with a joke or a quip.

P.S. It's not what you guys think, either. If you think you do know; you're wrong.

@"The Guilty Party(-ies)": How dare you? Who do you think you are, anyway?


Quilled Tunes: "Save Yourself" - Stabbing Westward

...and now...

I'm not really a big sports guy. Never have been, except for swords - mostly because I just plain suck at all "conventional" sports. Nonetheless...it is sad to see Busch Stadium go without just one more Series win for the Cardinals. I'm not into baseball now, but when I was a little boy, I would watch the games with my dad. Those were simpler times; I don't get to really see my family very often, and I need to. Those are some good memories. When the new stadium goes up, I need to make it a point to go to a game or few with my dad. I think we'd both really love that.

By the way - we're saying 'goodbye' to the wrong "Bush"...if you catch my drift...hehe.

Congratulations to the Houston Astros, however. They beat THE best team in baseball overall to have their first ever World Series run. Like it or not, fellow St. Louisians, but the fact that they beat US proves that they definitely deserve this shot.

Work is awesome. I love it. It's both terrifying and exciting as all hell to be learning and working with a big company like KWI.

8 days left until Gravity Kills hits the stage for the first time in a few years - and quite possibly for the very last time. Jeff Scheel and Doug Firley both have their own projects going, and Kurt Kerns and Matt Dudenhoffer have jobs of their own now. However, given the fact that I never thought I'd ever see Gravity Kills perform again to begin with, you really can never know what could happen. (If GK does get back together...man, that'd be sweet.)

Got Fear Factory "Archtype" tonight, the digipak with the bonus DVD in it. That's one more out of the near ten CDs I've yet to get to complete various band collections.

It's bed time. Goodnight.


Quilled Tunes: "Eye Of The Tiger" - Survivor

...and the verdict is in...

I promised I would report on the first day at the new job.

Two words: fucking awesome.

I've finally landed exactly where I wanted to be. I almost want to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. Finally, all my hard work and paying my dues has come to fruition. This is definitely my style of job...and I couldn't have made it without my wife, my family, and support from my friends. Thank you. All of you. Especially Heather.

If you want to know more about my new place of business, check out Kozeny-Wagner for yourself.

And tonight, dinner at Growler's Pub with Heather to celebrate. There will be a few other celebratory functions and gatherings, so don't fret.

On top of all this, Gravity Kills is a little over a week away. Life isn't just good - it's perfect.


Quilled Tunes: "Don't Stop Believing" - Journey

...a spooky urban legend, and other things...

...in my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field. In my field.

Don't mind me. Just conducting an experiment on a little-known urban legend that recently came to my attention. Something about me being killed.

Tomorrow is my first day on the job at Kozeny Wagner. I'm nervous, but very, very excited.

Spent the day with Nix yesterday; I'm glad I could be there for a friend. That's the kind of guy I like to be - the kind of guy who does things just to be helpful and kind. Some people "get" that about me and are appreciative of it, and most importantly, remember it.

Also spent about an hour looking up some stuff that may/may not be useful/helpful to Beaver in his job search. Hopefully, this stuff will give him some guidance of some kind.

@Beaver: Best of luck dude. I know it's hard, believe me. Hang in there.

And now, I'm out. Tune in tomorrow to hear a report of how the first day went. :)

(BTW - if anyone has a problem with tooting my horn about this - tough shit. I went through a very long and overwhelmingly hard process to finally get to this point, and I am now exercising my every right to dance about and revell in it for awhile. I deserve it.)


Quilled Tunes: "If" - Gravity Kills

...finishing up one business; and yet, continuing with more...

Tomorrow I call back the places yet to get back to me on interviews, and inform them I am no longer looking, and thank you sincerely for considering me. I even have to cancel my remaining interview (Kozeny Wagner was what I wanted all along). Also, call the other job offer I got and respectfully and professionally decline.

And yet, my work is not done. Beaver is still struggling, and I intend on helping him as much as I possibly can. He's frustrated and lost, and I've been where he is right now, so I'm gonna do what I can for him. Because that's just the kind of asshole I am, you see.

Others are also out of sorts, and as a friend I am going to help THEM as well.

Kozeny Wagner!!

No more stressing for me!

I was offered, and accepted, a position at Kozeny Wagner as an Estimating Assistant.

Pay is excellent; benefits are excellent; GC work like I've been seeking; and I will finally be trained and started properly.

Heather and I have had a feeling about Kozeny Wagner since I landed the interview with them. The entire morning before, I had an odd feeling that something was about to happen. Now I know. And Kozeny Wagner was one that I honestly wanted to work for, instead of just scrambling to find something in my field. Fate has brought me a miracle, my prayers and efforts and hard work have been answered and rewarded.

Thank you to everyone who supported me and provided advice and assistance. Thank you to my wonderful wife especially, without whom I would not have made it through all this. Thank you family and friends.

Life is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Oh, btw - the Nine Inch Nails show rocked; and we saw James Steib working at the Savvis Center. But all that takes a back seat to the above announcement, I think.)


Quilled Tunes: "We Are The Champions" - Queen

...actual words of wisdom...

For once, I have an original quote from yours truly.


"Change is not brought about by whining for it into the night." - Stephen "Quilled One" Province, September 13th, 2005



...and oddly enough, this rings true for almost every situation in our group right now.


Tomorrow I drive to Highland, IL. Why? To interview with Korte Company. It's about an hour's drive away, so wish me luck. Tomorrow is also the Nails show, which will be a very welcome distraction/vacation.

I will report more on "Job Search 2005" later.


Quilled Tunes: "One Thing" - Gravity Kills

Life is one big and scary ride.

You always hear people say how much easier life was when they were a kid. Less responsibility, care-free, all that good stuff.

I remember what it was like. But I think I have pin-pointed exactly WHY it was like that.

It wasn't lack of stress. Kids have stress from their peers, from school, from a multitude of things.

It wasn't lack of responsibilities. Kids have the responsibility of learning, of growing, of doing good in what they undertake. Of following rules.

It's having not to worry about the unknown. If you were scared, mom and dad (or parental figure) was there for you to guide you through it and help you know that everything is gonna be okay.

It's the fear of 'what if...?' that kids, teenagers, and most college students either don't have or don't pay attention to.

Being an adult is having to be the one who deals with the fears of what's ahead and what you can't control.


Just a little insight...


But not to be a downer, fear can be a healthy thing. It can help you take stock in what you have and what you're thankful for. It can also help you focus and do what you have to do. It can prove your worth and meddle in a tough spot by your brave reactions to it. It can help you grow as a person.


Everything is going to be okay. :)

...several things that need to be said, and I'm going to say them - now...

Bluntness is rarely my forte. Those of you in the know are aware of what I'm currently dealing with, and that thing I'm dealing with has the lion-share of my tact and patience occupied right now. So here we go...


@Scott: I know you're feeling down about things. I could make guesses about specifics, but I'll get the low-down from you when we hang out soon. We will be each others council just like in the good old days (well, as good as they could be in high school).


@Hizzy: It is not your place to tell people who are in a struggling point to "suck it up and get over it." It pisses me off that you would have the audacity to sit there and chide someone for "bitching" about a rough period they're going through. For your information, people's personal problems DO put them in a position for sympathy, especially if those people are your friends. Friends support friends when things are dark and bleak, they don't sit there and bitch and moan about the complaining and tell them to "stop being a baby." You know nothing about what Nix, Scott, Beaver, or anyone else is going through; and yes, I know for a fact that you know nothing about it, because if you DID, you would be far more sympathic to your friends than you've been. Who cares if you don't mind a job outside your field? - other people DO mind. Who cares if YOU are able to weather through your hardships with relative ease? - fucking good for you, yippy! Other people CAN'T and need FRIENDS to HELP them through it. I do see your points about looking on the brighter side and taking stock in what you have in life, but come the fuck on. I think your little rant just might have more to do with the fact that their pathos is having a negative reverb effect and bringing you down, and you just don't want to deal with it...which is perfectly fine. If you don't want to deal with it, you don't have to. But don't fucking sit there and tell someone who's suffering and sad to "get over it". That's kicking someone while they're down, PERIOD. That helps no one. That doesn't help the struggling, and it certainly doesn't help you in terms of friendships.

I know earlier in our conversation, I was much more kind and diplomatic with you about this; but I've had a chance to think about it. Other people, they aren't as positive about their situation as I am right now. I know this because I've seen it. I've heard Beaver's thoughts, and Nix's, and Scott's, and I can imagine how it would feel for me to be upset and hurt by a hardship and have one of my "friends" write about how people need to just "get over it". Fuck. That. Milk. Stop being an ass.

I consider you a friend; start acting like one. Please be one to these people. They need it.


@Nix: You're gonna be okay. Loneliness is something you will cure eventually. The job thing will pass and things will pick up. And the identity thing? All in your head. We'll figure it out.


@Question: I wish I could jet down to Cali for a couple of weeks and hang...I really do. Perhaps sometime soon that'll be a possibility. Keep pushing yourself to submit those stories - you are a consumate writer, and have the ability and will go far with it. Congrats on the new ride.


@Beaver: Job searching sucks. It's hard, it's a mind-game that will have you feeling useless and helpless sometimes. And there will be times when you feel like giving up, breaking down and crying. Allow yourself the freak-outs; vent if you need to. But don't give up. You can do this. Trust me.


RE: Pot-smoking

Is pot a plant that grows in the dirt? Why, yes, it certainly is. Should pot be legal? Perhaps; some definitely think so. Is pot as deadly or dangerous to your health as legal "drugs", like alcohol and cigarettes? Not directly, no; however, it DOES fry your brain and make you slower in several facets over extended periods of time. Is pot nontheless highly ILLEGAL, regardless of public opinion about the "drug"? Yes. Bottom line. Does pot offend some people if it's done around them? Yes, absolutely...

Which brings me to my point. If someone doesn't want to be around pot smoke, they don't have to be. If you don't like the fact that someone leaves your home or party due to people tokin' it up in the general vicinity, then eliminate the pot smoking or shut the fuck up. I personally would have done the same thing, because I'd rather remove myself than by an asshole and start dictating demands in a dwelling place that is not my own.


@Dave: Good for you, you did the right thing by leaving.


RE: Group politics and the "can't we all just get along" mentality

It's great that a group of people can manage to be around for a decade without fighting and splintering apart. Congratulations. However, that is sadly NOT the fate of Bug-Juice, and that's just the way it is. If you don't like it, and I don't blame anyone who doesn't (because after all, friendships are things to be cherished), then blame the persons responsible for it, and not the people that tried everything within their power to avoid the inevitable outcome. Meaning don't bitch at the people who tried and made an effort; bitch and the SOURCE of the bullshit, those dunderheaded, close-minded few. Period.


RE: Steve's a dick

Finally I'm going to say something about this subject worth reading. Ready?

Fuck that shit. I've been there through thick and thin for people who really, really, REALLY didn't deserve it. I've forgiven atrocities against my person and my loved ones and family members when I was within my rights to drive a railroad spike through somebody's goddamned eye socket. I've been patient and kind during downright RIDICULOUS social situations to a level where I could have beaten GAHNDI in an ESPN televised event. I'm done with all that. I'm not the dick. YOU ARE. (And I mean a circumstantial "YOU", varying from situation to situation.)


RE: Katrina, Bush, Republicans, and my political rantings in general

Do I bitch alot about politics? Yes, I do. Does it get annoying? I'm sure it does. Why do you do it then if people hate it? Because I'm one of the only people that cares enough to do it. I know what I'm talking about; you don't. I take the time to delve into this shit and yank out the ugly truth about a leader that's fucking us over in the worst way imaginable; about a government that doesn't give a shit about you or I, or the good people of New Orleans; so I have a right to voice my opinion because I "get" it. I'm enlightened. Wake the fuck up and realize that whether you like it or not, everything I talk about politically directly effects you. Why would you talk about it all the time like this? What's the point? Because I care. Because someone has to do it. Because if given the choice between being fucked sideways in silence and fighting it every step of the way, I choose to go down swinging like a real man.


RE: Nine Inch Nails and Gravity Kills

It's going to be an awesome time. Industrial madness at it's best. YEAH!



And I feel free. Much better. Aaaaahhhhhhh! Now THAT felt great.


Quilled Tunes: "Highway To Hell" - AC/DC

Don't Stop Believing; Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good...Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

"Carry On Wayward Son" - Kansas


(Chorus)

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreamin',
I can hear them say

(Chorus)
Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more

Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but
I hear the voices say

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you

(Chorus)


A more personal blog coming soon, I promise...but hey, in a way, this is.