...renaissance...

Well, I'm once again blogging. I'll be doing that more and more as time permits...

Hizzy got her own place; it's pretty cool. The way the place is laid out, it's almost exactly the same as the one-bedroom Heather and I had before we moved and Joe took our place. There seems to be more room in the bedroom when you first look at it, but then you have to consider that we had more furniture in there, AND a full-size bed...but it's a nice place. Congrats, Andrea!

Got my new weight bench assembled last week (thank you, Joe, BTW), and it is awesome. I can't wait to get the bar and weights and start pumping hard iron once more. And this time, my cullies, it's going to a hardcore unlike any other definition of the word. Dave knows what I'm talking about, he's preparing to do the same for his mountain adventure in Oregon this summer. I wish him the best of luck, but who are we kidding, Dave is tough enough to survive a lot more than Oregon...

You have forgotten the face of your father, and you cry my pardon.

...moving on...

Kinda sucks when you go from having something in your field to not having it anymore. Not gonna cry and whine about it, just saying that it kinda sucks...

Anyway, back to the ol' drawing board, as they say. I've had a few promising interviews with other companies, so that's good. In other news, we got that weight bench I've been wanting, so I'm very excited about that. It's been awhile since I kept a really intense workout schedule, and now I'm ready to dive into it again and kill myself daily! WOOHOO!! Anyway, I will blog more posts later...

...*no title*...

A lot of times, I question my own abilities. Physically and mentally and even spiritually. Mostly in things involving going head-to-head. A lot of people take my determination and excitement over such matters as "egotistical" or being full of myself and self-centered; basically thinking that I am a hard-ass who thinks he can take out anybody. Who I can and cannot take out is something that remains to be seen, but has been hinted at once or twice since I improved my abilities. You know, things that I've done, things that have shown through in actions that I've taken. Most notably, my physical strength. It took me about two or three years of INTENSE training to get to the point where the strongest among our group of friends are; and they got that way over their current lifetimes. And while not a total pussy in high school (or so I've been told), I was no where near as strong as I am currently. But with this new stuff came a desire, a drive if you will, to see just how far I can go. That's why I delight in challenges that pit me against hard shit; like moshing, wrestling, fighting, etc. And, since in high school the strongest among us were untouchable, that makes it goal to see how one would fair against that. I don't know if I can do this; I'm sure it's no secret who I refer to when I say "strongest among us", although there ARE more than a few, so maybe it's not AS apparent to everyone. Anyway, mostly this rant is putting thought to words; it's hard to explain, even verbally. The challenge is what drives me. Rising to the challenge and beating it, THAT is the goal. Not to just "be the best". The line between those two things is very thin, almost invisible. I question what I am able to do; I question just how I am able to do certain things and why; I question whether, if I let go and went full-out unrestrained, if I could control that; and I question how far and what other levels there are for me.

It's interesting to see the different reactions to my change in this manner; some were like "whoa dude! fuck yea!" and others were pissed off about it, threatened; and still others could care less. Either way you slice it, the time is approaching when everyone, especially myself, will see just how far I can go and what I can really do. That thought...is both the most exciting and the most frightening to me. Well...one thing that I don't question is this: things are not the way they used to be as far as the pecking order of ability. The deck is shuffling, and when it stops...there's a chance that someone new will be coming up aces.

...genesis of conflict...

It amazes me how much a given situation can change over such a short amount of time. And no, the fact that I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" over the holiday weekend has nothing to do with it (although I did enjoy the movie). People all around me, myself included, are changing in very drastic and dramatic ways as of late. Some are good, some are really bad, some only so-so. Alternatively, these changes also vary in the incline of the respective changes, in this case meaning how much change, and also in which ways. It really all gives me a headache, but it also reminds me of daytime soaps; retarded to sit through, entertaining nonetheless. I think it's the entertainment value that keeps me involving myself with it instead of just saying 'fuck it'...well, sometimes. Other times, I really do just want to say fuck it. But, certain loyalties prevent me from just dropping certain things and abandoning all hope for some semblence of things going back to something at least similiar to the way things were before. And also, there's the added twist of other individuals arguing in favor of just accepting it, going with it just because it would keep the peace, or giving more chances to people that have already had too many to begin with. Wow, I started talking about a broad range of situations and it suddenly shot straight to one specific thing. (And on a side note, there's WAY too much emphasis being put on that certain thing, too; and yet, no one can seem to veer away from it for very long, it's just so...interesting to talk about and analyze.) Sorry about that...continuing...

As I was saying, lots of changes going on, and I'm proud of the people who are improving their lives and moving forward toward success. For the rest of those still trying, I feel you; I did it for so long I almost forgot what moving forward, moving period even, felt like. And for those still stuck in a rut and not really doing anything about it...uh, ok sure more power to you guys. It just amazes me how little or how much evolving people in my life have done in the years since 1997. Kind of scary when you really take a step back and look at things.

In other news...there is none. Which is sad. I could talk about the new movies I picked up, but who wants to read about that? Heh...just looked at the title of this blog, which in my typical fashion I name before I even start typing; and I realized that this blog just might create a conflict or two...that's funny!