...another day...

Worked out for the first time in awhile tonight...well, working out like I USED to workout, which borders on the insane.  Man, I'm out of practice doing the "kill myself" workouts...but I'll fix that in time.  I always seem to push it more than I probably should with those anyway, but it's how I got the way I am today, so I have to be doing something worthwhile here...I don't think everyone can say they've improved this much in strength over such a short amount of time, save for my brother that is.  Yeah, I know I bring up this subject alot, but can you really blame me for being proud of it?  (Hell, it's not like I think I can kick anyone's ass--Beaver could take me under the right circumstances, I'm sure.  Fuck, he might be able to take any one of us, Corey and Dave included, if he was really serious about it.)

Next on my list is to rebuild some of my swords and start that up on weekends.  Plus, I'll have plenty of practice when I go to Springfield for my buddy Tom's bachelor party.  Those who know Tom and John might be surprised to hear how damn good they are at swords.  Tom's real good at knowing when to attack, and John pratices martial arts plus he's very quick.  With my main attribute being the strength thing, it makes a great triad...kind of like when I do it with Dave and Scott.  (And I'm talking about swords, you pervs!)

Things at LaClair are going spectacular.  I got my first, real bid to do today...just a small little office project, not alot to it, but it's a chance to test the waters and see what I can do.  After only three weeks on the job, that's alot of responsibility, but like my boss says "It's the only way you'll learn."  It'd be pretty fucking sweet if LaClair was awarded the bid.  You better believe that if that happens, there will be celebration.

This weekend we go to my sister's college graduation in Searcy, Arkansas.  She's also been accepted into graduate school for her master's degree.  Ahhh, the smell of success is beginning to build among my circle of compatriots: Scott, Heather, Scuba, Joe, Joanna (my sister)...the list keeps growing!  This is great, congrats to everyone!  I'm so glad for all of them.  Ok, ok, if this blog seems happy, it's because right now, I'm a damn happy puppy!  I haven't felt this good in a long, damn time, probably not since my wedding, in fact.

Anyway, that's all for tonight, I'll write more when I get back from Searcy...as if anyone besides people who already know everything follows this blog, right?  Hehe.

...why?...

Sometimes I wonder to myself why I seem to be more and more intolerant of people and their stupidity and stupid ways of thinking and doing things as of late.  Certainly, I've been tolerant--no, oblivious and able to ignore fits more adequately--of it all in the past.  So why the problems now?
 
I think the problem is: we've really reached the point where it's way past time for stupidity like this to be over and done with.  As I'm sure everyone thinks "god, why can't we be more adult about this shit now" it's very true to a fucking fault.  I mean, my god...the bullshit that I've observed in the last few months is mind-boggling!!  As is the M.O. for my blog, I shant name any names, but those who I've talked to KNOW the kind of shit I'm referring to and the people involved therein.
 
It's just some people are never going to move past the high school/adolescent mentality of things.  And wouldn't you know it, there's more of them than the ones that HAVE moved past it, into some version of maturity and adulthood and, hell, common fucking sense!!  At least, a more socially graceful state of being if not maturity itself.  And no, I'm not talking about success in job and life--that shit comes and goes, like the wind--like ka, if you want to think of it that way (if you don't know what ka is, read Stephen King's Dark Tower series; you won't be sorry, excellent book)--and even the most mature people have had down and out periods with things.
 
Anyway, all revelations and hero-worship, not-so-right weddings, prevented heart-broken suicides, and post-grieving solicitations and obesity-involved heroic speeches aside....life with the normal people ain't so bad!  Props to my brothers and sisters in the Juice keeping it real.
 
Ahh well...life goes on, I suppose I could just say fuck it and let them burn, eh?  Not my style though...

...life is GOOD...

Ok, here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for...or maybe not, I don't know...
 
I got a job.  I am working for LaClair Construction Services.  My official title is Assistant Project Manager.  I've been there for a week now, and I absolutely LOVE it!!!
 
So, that's the news that I had that I was to reveal this week.  YAY me!!!
 
Ok I'm done.
 
 

...apology...

Not to stir shit up from the past, but I have to.

The night before I got married, some people lied on me. And my brother stood up for those people, with only good intentions. He wasn't trying to be a traitor to me; he tends to stick up for the underdog, maybe because he has been the underdog in the past, I dunno. Anyway, he defended them, and my friends, who were sticking up for ME, shit on him for it, for lack of a better term. I was concerned about my wedding, and getting married, and preserving the perfect day, so I didn't say anything against that, because I guess I thought that by standing against that it was the same as standing up for the things that were said. That it was admitting that I had done them. But it wasn't. Dave didn't do anything wrong. It's true he didn't stick up for me, or side with me, but he trusted someone and stood by them. He was only sticking up for the underdog.

Dave...I am sorry I didn't come to your defense against Scott and the others. Scott, guys, I'm NOT saying you guys were wrong; you were all great and I love you all dearly. It was as right for you to stand up for me as it was for Dave to make HIS choice. It wouldn't have been me defending the lies; it would have been me defending Dave, my brother. And I didn't realize that until now. So there it is, for all the world to see, a public apology to my brother.

Dave, you and I have a very messed up past. All the things you loathe and hate about me...I hate and loathe myself for the same reasons. I was the bully, I was the asshole, I wasn't a brother to you before; but I'm trying to be now. I realize, maybe too late, how important you are to me, how important being BROTHERS is. How important family is. I'm sorry, sorry with every fiber of my soul and being. I would give my life for you, if I thought it would give you just ONE chance to make it in this seriously messed up life. I love you and you can hate me in your heart for what I've done, but I'm not going to stop loving you because you're my brother. I am a smartass by nature, sometimes by choice...And that makes many people angry at me. Lord knows it angers you. But even though I don't show it--even though you don't see it in my eyes or in the way I handle myself--there is not a day that goes by that I don't hate myself for what I've done to you. And if that makes you feel better, I can be glad about it. I SHOULD pay for what I did, just like that. Anyway...It's now late, and being this humble takes it toll on me.

(A lot of people are going to read this and say "god there goes the Province drama again"...And you know what? Fuck them. This needed to be done. And I would do it every day until their minds snapped from it to make it up to him. And, despite my previous rant about "idle threats", if you took that as a threat, I dare you to contest it. I seriously do. Because I would GLADLY oblige on this issue, without so much as a pause or a second thought.)

...hate of indescribable nature...

Ok...

How fucked up is it to claim that someone is going to commit suicide, when she's really not, to get us to go pick her up and "keep her safe from herself"...THEN...have his "fun" (that's all I'll say)...THEN...leave others to pick up the emotional baggage and take said person home.

Fuck this person. Seriously.

...nothing...

Sometimes what people view as the most peaceful and accomodating thing has the most dangerous things boiling under the surface...like a volcano, pressure builds and then...a possible explosion.

Everyone has this capability. This "dangerous" side that would not be denied if unleashed. Everyone is a threat because of this, and everyone else should beware of the beast that lurks within, especially when we're pissed off and likely to break limbs and jaw.

I believe that in our own minds, we cannot be stopped. The beast inside us will conquer all and leave our enemies lying in our wake of rage and destruction.

Or maybe we just believe that we are all formidible and forces to be reckoned with.

Let's just say--and this includes myself first and foremost--that threats of violence have been very hollow as of late, from everyone. Transparent...without real substance or seriousness. Perhaps I should take them seriously, but fuck it. Like I said: we're all badasses in our own minds, but that certainly doesn't make it fact.

You have no idea what boils beneath the surface.

...politics and slight cynicism...

The title of this post would typically spawn rantings about intergroup politics, but that is not the case here...actually, I only seek to say that intergroup politics piss me off sometimes. Make your own assumptions about situations and individuals that I speak of from there, won't you?

Anyway, big big super huge good things are happening in Quill-land (yes, I said Quill-land; so I'm a major tool, bite me). All will be revealed about this awesome news in due time, but I couldn't go without torturing the fans of this blog with a teaser, now could I? Only a few know, but everyone will know by the middle of next week, I assure you...

In other news, I have made anonymous posts available on this blog now, so you can feel free to leave your comments under the shroud of secrecy so I won't know who's bitchin' and who's praisin'--if that's the pansy way you wanna play it, that is. Just kidding, please your thoughts and comments are appreciated.

My computer is still being worked on. God love Joe for all his hard work on my behalf, as well as dedicating his personal time to it as of late. Just wish it wouldn't take a million years...However, the end result will be a faster, better computer system for me, put together by a very professional individual who doesn't realize how professional he really is, so I can't complain.

On a side note...How dense does one have to be to tell when a woman is pregnant or not? It's not something a woman could hide, especially in the last three months. Such stupidity (or perhaps stubbornness, or blindness towards reality) boggles my mind as much as standing by a woman who cheats on you with your kids in the room, or deleting your computer because someone tells you to. Or stalking your drama teacher wearing a Superman shirt. Or purposely running over a large rock TWICE to prove a point. Wow, so many inside jokes with that one.

I'm also off work today...Got there, found out I wasn't scheduled, hell yeah, came home. Life is pretty damn good.

By the way...congratulations to the following people: Hizzy, for her new managing company with bands; Scott, now NUMBER ONE in the country with Royal Prestige sales in the newcomer category; Beaver, for meeting some paintball pros and shit. (And people say I don't give them enough credit...psh!)

Long days and pleasant nights, sai.

...reflection...

Most blogs I read are very interesting, filled with reflections of inner thoughts and pondering, as well as an outlet for emotion or frustrations. My blog has bordered on the edge of doing that, but for the most part, there isn't alot of reflection that goes on here...I guess you could say that I'm not one of the world's foremost thinkers by any means. In fact, I can be downright slow and stupid sometimes, and for the most part pretty simplistic. Sometimes...it's hard knowing that. Because to KNOW you are sometimes the dullest tool in the room and don't quite "get" things is daunting to the mind. I mean, am I an intelligent person? Yes, so I've been told. I certainly graduated college with high grades; and I have social graces and a high level of maturity that a lot of my peers haven't reached yet. I also have a lot of street smarts, so I've been told. On the other hand, I'm not the biggest trivia buff, in fact, I suck at trivia games; I could maybe answer one question out of a million in a sitting. However, I've always seen trivia games as proof that you have a stockpile of facts stored in your mind and are good at finding them and regurgitating them when called upon to, not really a gauge of how much intelligence you have going for you. But I'm getting off topic...

Anyway, I guess I'm just a simple man with a pretty black and white way of to-the-point thinking, but it's worked for me so far, and with very complaints. Bam! Reflection of the self! Man, sorry if that sucked and wasn't too interesting, but what did you want to hear?

My former friend Joe has decided to stay with his extramaritally-inclined wife who almost lost them their children to DFS while he was in Iraq...Neat! The world is filled with stupid people, and I know two of them at least. What I said above is the abridged version of that story, and I won't go into it because it could cause retardation in anyone that reads it...I'm not kidding, I've heard some stupid stories in my life but this one, hell, this whole situation from origin to now is just fucked up beyond anything I could easily describe. Those in the know, know what I mean, and they're probably sorry they know about it as well.

Also...A word on confrontation and conflict in social settings. Some people seem to enjoy a situation of tension and conflict. It goes so far as to say that they want a confrontation or a conflict for the benefit of amusement, because "it keeps things
exciting, that's for sure." In a social setting, when a conflict would cause problems in a group of friends...it's always best to avoid it unless it's absolutely necessary. And in this situation, it's NOT necessary. Or should I say WASN'T necessary. But hey, that's been taken out of our hands, hasn't it? Because the cat has been let out of the bag and that ball has been set rolling, like it or not...just to force people who are "afraid of a little confrontation or a little squabbling" to deal with a problem in a way that someone else deemed was the right way to handle things. Well, thanks for the assist! Sound high-schoolish? You're right, it does...like the school councilor in reverse stepped in on a fight that wasn't happening in the first place to start one up. In a nutshell, the grand-facilitator of high-school drama strikes again, like a scourge in the night, spreading conflict and confrontation through the land...*sigh* (And that's not to say that a conflict WILL occur, it's just to say there wouldn't have been a chance for conflict if it wasn't for this.)

Oh yeah, and the fourth is coming up...happy fourth everyone! Have some fun and blow some stuff up!