...apology...

Not to stir shit up from the past, but I have to.

The night before I got married, some people lied on me. And my brother stood up for those people, with only good intentions. He wasn't trying to be a traitor to me; he tends to stick up for the underdog, maybe because he has been the underdog in the past, I dunno. Anyway, he defended them, and my friends, who were sticking up for ME, shit on him for it, for lack of a better term. I was concerned about my wedding, and getting married, and preserving the perfect day, so I didn't say anything against that, because I guess I thought that by standing against that it was the same as standing up for the things that were said. That it was admitting that I had done them. But it wasn't. Dave didn't do anything wrong. It's true he didn't stick up for me, or side with me, but he trusted someone and stood by them. He was only sticking up for the underdog.

Dave...I am sorry I didn't come to your defense against Scott and the others. Scott, guys, I'm NOT saying you guys were wrong; you were all great and I love you all dearly. It was as right for you to stand up for me as it was for Dave to make HIS choice. It wouldn't have been me defending the lies; it would have been me defending Dave, my brother. And I didn't realize that until now. So there it is, for all the world to see, a public apology to my brother.

Dave, you and I have a very messed up past. All the things you loathe and hate about me...I hate and loathe myself for the same reasons. I was the bully, I was the asshole, I wasn't a brother to you before; but I'm trying to be now. I realize, maybe too late, how important you are to me, how important being BROTHERS is. How important family is. I'm sorry, sorry with every fiber of my soul and being. I would give my life for you, if I thought it would give you just ONE chance to make it in this seriously messed up life. I love you and you can hate me in your heart for what I've done, but I'm not going to stop loving you because you're my brother. I am a smartass by nature, sometimes by choice...And that makes many people angry at me. Lord knows it angers you. But even though I don't show it--even though you don't see it in my eyes or in the way I handle myself--there is not a day that goes by that I don't hate myself for what I've done to you. And if that makes you feel better, I can be glad about it. I SHOULD pay for what I did, just like that. Anyway...It's now late, and being this humble takes it toll on me.

(A lot of people are going to read this and say "god there goes the Province drama again"...And you know what? Fuck them. This needed to be done. And I would do it every day until their minds snapped from it to make it up to him. And, despite my previous rant about "idle threats", if you took that as a threat, I dare you to contest it. I seriously do. Because I would GLADLY oblige on this issue, without so much as a pause or a second thought.)