...something that I shouldn't even have to talk about; I can't believe I'm even HAVING this kind of conversation at this point...

“You cannot handle the fact that people are finally starting to realize that the world will not end if you arent around. Thats why you give others so much shit. Erich doesnt come around as much, so u belittle him and talk about him. The same thing with Joe Dimitro. It seems like you get hard-on about the fact that people "need" you. If people finally realize that your presence is not a necessity, it takes power away from you and you cant handle that.”

This was recently said, about me. This is a perfect example of what I talked about so many posts ago about people thinking they know what I’m all about, but really not having a clue.

1) On why I give people shit: I’m a smartass. I don’t often think before I speak. It’s really that simple. Now, if you mean, “why do you give Erich or Joe so much shit”, I can explain those reasons easily, and have on many occasions. However, it’d be beating a dead horse to some people, and they may not want to hear it, so if anyone is curious, ask and I shall explain individually.
2) On people “needing” me and power: I am not friends with people because they “need” me. I don’t want to have power or influence over anyone or anything. It’s not my fault that the case happens to be that I am at the epicenter of certain things.

Intermission for venting: Jesus FUCKING christ! I shouldn't even have to HAVE a conversation like this, at this point in my life! This is the highest example of high-school bullshit if I ever saw one...I just want to say that I hate the fact that I'm even having to deal with this. So I'm going to visit a guy, who the fuck cares? Why does it HAVE to be about jealousy and "you hold his friendship over mine"?! Why does it HAVE to turn into an issue at all?! I mean, for fuck's fucking sake! Shit like this makes me want to vomit; it's really played out at this point. I can't please everyone; I'm the ONLY fucking person I know that can piss off a number of people BY DOING NOTHING AND GOING ABOUT MY OWN DAMNED BUSINESS!! It's not as if I woke up one morning, and thought to myself, "Gee, I'll bet going to visit Campo before he moves across the country would really piss Beaver off...let's do it." Talk about feeling like a babysitter sometimes, god damn! Can we say, "Well, where was I?"...sound familiar to anyone? It's also funny how I'm just one of the people in the group, none of which have EVER gone down to Cape to visit Dan, yet WHO gets bitched out for it? Who's even held RESPONSIBLE for other people not visiting when he shouldn't be, when it isn't his fucking fault? Fuck, not even ERICH has gone down there, and Beaver's his best man.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled, REASONABLE (diplomatic) Quill.

@Beaver (if he even reads it): I can understand you being pissed about the visiting thing; obviously, it's important to you. But you’ve got to understand, this is a special case, the man is moving to California, we won’t get the chance to see him a lot. On top of that, once I knew it was a big deal to you, I offered (and am serious about) coming down there to visit. You need to be a little more understanding, flexible, and fair about this matter. Other people may see your point about me visiting Campo instead of you as being unfair; I do not. It’s a different situation. You always come home, and you never seriously ask to be visited. Campo is MOVING AWAY TO CALIFORNIA in two weeks, and he asked me to visit several times for YEARS; thus, I am finally making good on that promise to him before he goes. My question(s) to you are: what, are you jealous or something? And why am I the ONLY one you're focusing on, since no one else has visited either? You have yet to explain to me exactly HOW it's HONESTLY MY FAULT that no one visits you; and I don't want to hear the excuse of, "People follow your lead." because that's bullshit, I never held a gun to anyone's head, nor have I EVER told anyone not to visit you. I never said I held Campo's friendship above yours; that's you putting words in my mouth. Now, I’m well aware that you will read this and call bullshit on everything that I’ve said; however, I said this in the interest of fairness and friendship anyway, because I believe that you ARE capable of acting more adult and fair about this situation. Please, prove me right on that. Or, prove me wrong. In short, I am wanting to talk about this issue, face to face, man to man.

The worst part about all this is: I should be pissed, being labeled like that; being blamed for other people’s actions like this. I should go ape-shit and deliver a bitching out. I would have every right. But instead, I play the fair card like I always do, which more often than not only gets me stepped on and attacked even more. Maybe I’m an idiot…a big, stupid, FAIR idiot who holds friendships in such a high regard that I let too much shit slide.

Karaoke was fun last night. Some people from Vince’s Council blog were there. I got to tell that Francesca girl some truths about Jay. Sweet.

Quilled Tunes: “Judith” – A Perfect Circle

Quote of the Blog: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” – C. S. Lewis