Not a flip-flop, but a friend-flop.
I claimed that I stand up for all my friends, blog or public, and I mean that.
With that being said...let us now let Hizzy off the hook. True, she did berate Nix, and that was a bad thing to do, but her intentions were not to be a bitch or anything, she was frustrated and just kind of snapped. Truth is, she cares greatly for Nix, and he knows that, even as pissed off as this has made him about it. Though misguided and mistaken, she is nonetheless sorry for hurting a friend, and I think that deserves some recognition in and of itself. Also, in light of the fact that there have been many great things done for Nix by Hizzy, despite the fact that she sometimes makes mistakes and inadvertently hurts or wrongs him, I think she should be granted a little slack.
I meant to stand up for Nix, and I did; but now it's morphing into somewhat of a public flogging of the Hizz, and color me crazy, but I don't really want my blog to be the arena for that kind of thing for anyone who doesn't really deserve it.
In fact, lemme say this about Hizz, if I may (and I may, because it is my blog, after all...he he): Hizzy might be overly-sensitive sometimes; she may be complainy at points; and yes, she has a reputation for being a rumor mill. But despite all this, she is, overall, first and foremost, a good person and a good friend. Her intentions are always well-meant, even if it might seem, at first, that they are ill-natured and selfish. This is the Hizzy as I have come to understand her.
@Nix: No, this doesn't mean I still don't think you were/are justified in being pissed. I'm just being a friend to Hizz like I do with you. (Because I'm a dick.) However you feel about this, I respect that and support it because it was your feelings on the line, and how you choose to ride it out or play it is completely up to you.
@Roxy: I formally apologize for disrespect. I was under the impression that it was just another peer of mine who didn't know the whole story. Although, I will tell you that I have always stood up for your daughter, and I have always tried to be a good friend to all, and I did attempt to keep Nix from driving home that night. Hopefully, this clears up any misconceptions about me for you. If not, I respect your opinions, but understand that I will defend myself if unwarrantedly called a "bad friend." (P.S. Thanks for checking out my blog, it's good to know there are readers out there. Rock on.)
@Spawn: Your short but to the point defenses in these matters are always appreciated, bro. Thank you. A million times.
@LP: Thank you for the back-up as well. (Whoever you are.)
@Hizz: Sorry if I made you feel shitty; I wasn't trying to guilt-trip you, I merely wanted to point out that even when you may feel I'm the reincarnation of the anti-Christ because of my insulting and smart-ass comments, I'm really not. At all. And I don't mind the rep; not everyone is going to like me, and I know that - I just also hold hope that those who I go to the mat for repeatedly might think twice about slapping that label on me so quickly.
So this is Quill, the dick of the universe, signing off until next time. Stay safe everyone and have a great day! (Because I'm a dick.)
Quilled Tunes:
"Rebel Yell" - Billy Idol
"You're My Best Friend" - Queen
"The Hand That Feeds" - Nine Inch Nails
posted by The Almighty KING OF QUILL at 5/23/2006 08:54:00 AM
8 Comments:
I cant beleive there are certain people in here that cant keep a secret!!!Any way I think that my opinions are alittle bit more beleivable then most in here,, and the stuff I said about Nix I beleive them fully the man needs help and I dont mean from friends,, I lived it for 15 years untill mine got help.. and Nix,,when u have a drinking problem then yes,, you wil hate your job.. etc and all that other stuff,, U dont think clearly in that state there fore eve rything seems to be or go wrong>>I dont dislike you but please dont piss and moan when ur problem is yours and yours alone>> we cant help you at this point but then sometimes bitching or pissing and moaning helps....Love and kisses
Roxy!!!!!!
PS Steve,, apology excepted!!!!
Roxy...
With all due respect, I'm not that confident that you know all aspects of which you speak. Age does not always equal wisdom nor experience, and being a parent or even seeing a person go through a particular situation doesn't make you a scholar on every situation that is similar.
Kicking a habit (any habit mind you, not just drinking/drugs/smoking) is an extremely hard objective to accomplish. Add chemical dependancies to the equation, and it can be down right near impossible (not completely impossible, but a huge undertaking to forgo). It takes tons of support and understanding from not just professionals, but family and friends as well. I am sure you are aware of this, seeing you have been through it in some way (not sure if you meant mine or me... mine is a possessive term like "That ice cream is mine." and suggests that someone close to you has been through it, but not you, yourself. If it was you and you meant to type me, then you should know how hard giving something that holds chemical dependancy up is and quitting.) so I’m sure that you can understand how now is a time to offer said support.
There is a difference between supporting a person, and supporting their addiction. Being supportive of a person means listening to there problems unconditionally and let them come to there own conclusions on what the best thing to do next is. Your roll is to help them calm down enough to look at the problem objectively. When you support a persons addiction, you aren't helping them, you are making excuses for them. You basically enable them to continue their current behavior without consequences. Thus helping them continue living out the lifestyle that is harmful for them.
I believe Quill was referring to being supportive of his friend and not his addiction. Nix is more than aware that his behaviors are not only damaging to himself but costly as well. From my discussions with him, he loves his job, and only stresses out when sales are bad (since his job is basically commission based). He has a right (as anyone does to their support circle) to come to those he considers friends and unload his problems. I'm sure in more than a few situations, where we (his friends) have come to him with similar concerns. That is part of the job when your friends, your there for each other. Everyone's individual problems are their's and their's alone, however that doesn't mean there shouldn't be some care and understanding when such problems arise. Everyone has some sort of support they can count on.. be it parents, spouses/significant others, children, siblings, or friends.
Nix came to Andrea (in this particular situation that has been discussed), because he counted her as part of his support circle, and felt betrayed by her responses. This has been long resolved, as been said ages ago and really is not needed for further discussion. Personally, I consider myself lucky when a person places me in there support circle, because that means that person actually considers me a friend, as anyone who cares for another should feel. That's just me though.
I understand that you feel you know more about this topic (as any topic you grace us with your opinions) than any group of "kids" would know, and you are more than welcome to offer opinions on a blog that allows comments on. However, please realize that some situations are different than what you have experienced, and thus you can't give true objective advice. It's part of being human, not being omnipresent.
Thank you for your time and presence.
Sincerely,
Nut Job
PS: Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. (I think Benjamin Franklin said that)
I agree with nut job.
Roxy, you have experiences that I do not; but that does not mean you "out-rank" me in 'knowing' how to be a supportive friend or how I should conduct myself in my friendships.
I have never been an ill friend to ANYONE. You implied that it was MY fault that Nix lost his license. I tried to stop him from going home. He left anyway.
I understand and respect your need to not apologize for what you said about me. However, that DOES NOT change the fact that you still OWE me an apology for what you said.
Nut Job is right; age does not equal better knowledge, it just means you've seen more. But hey, if you don't want to apologize for saying something wrong about someone, that is completely your option.
Please keep in mind, however, that this "child" - who is the author of this blog - had the courtesy and respect to apologize to you when YOU were the one who first berated ME.
I don't apologize for defending myself, and I certainly do not apologize for my defense of Nix. I don't accept blame for Nix's drinking problem, either. I have talked to him many times about his drinking. Guess what? I don't live with him 24/7, and I don't have legal right as family to commit him...he has to stop and help himself. If I refused to hang out with him because of his drinking, he would be pissed at me, he would be one less friend, AND he would drink anyway. My job, as friend, is to be there to support him and to be a friend, which I have been thick and thin, and which YOU QUESTIONED ME ON.
Or, how about this...
Because someone has a problem (one that is acknowledged, btw) it is not necessary to listen when they are upset. OR, how about this...
I LOVE MY FUCKING JOB!!! But it is very stressful. And I am not garuanteed an income. Perhaps I should just work at McDonald's?
Thanks for not having a clue.
My god people.
Once I'm off the hook, you go and berate my mom?
Can't we all just drop this and move the hell on? There are far other more important and amusing matters to discuss. I thought we had, but supposedly everyone needs to have the final word.
And besides, I would NEVER talk to your mothers that way. I'm frankly quite appalled.
Let's just drop this like it was.
Excuse me, Hizzy...but after I found out it was your mom, I've been completely respectful.
I simply pointed out that I apologized to her when I didn't even have to, and she seems to feel that she doesn't owe me an apology for wrongfully labelling me as both a bad friend and as the one to blame for Nix's lack of license, AND his drinking. Her excuse is that she means what she says, and is older and wiser. I happen to believe that regardless of experience or knowledge, when you make a mistake you apologize for it. Wrong is wrong whether you're 5 or 100 years old.
I'm not berating anyone.
Roxy, if you don't feel you need to apologize, so be it. It's disrespectful, but it's your call to make.
I guess we're equal opportunity berators?
I don't think politely pointing out an apology owed can count as beratement, anyway.
But I guess being courteous and humble is a dying art or something.
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